


scars

by fictionalrobin



Series: trans!magnus [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Battle Couple Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Coming Out, F/M, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Protective Alec Lightwood, Trans Magnus Bane, Trans Male Character, Worried Alec Lightwood, a lil confused, bu he fine, except jace he's a weirdo, ive writen so many infirmary scenes its actualy wworriyng, the othrs r v supportive, this is way longer than i wanted it ta b, well they aint so much in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-15 19:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13620333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalrobin/pseuds/fictionalrobin
Summary: prompt (by @Rai_Knightshade): I love this trans!Magnus au! I'd love to see more of it! I'm trying to think of some good prompts for it but I'm not the best with trans fic ideas (being cis myself and having only briefly met a couple of people who were trans or nonbinary; I don't have a lot of experience to draw on unfortunately). Instead, could I prompt you for some battle!malec in this universe in which they fight together sometime after Magnus came out to Alec? I'm always a sucker for battle!malec :D.battle!malec were Magnus gets hurt and jace finds some scars





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> sry for this takin so long i kept writin 1 page n den deletin it all uuuuuuuuuuuuurhn

The demon snarled. It's numerous teeth gleamed, a sheen of drool and slime covering the long, needle-like fangs. Alec took a step backwards. The mushy forest floor shifted beneath his feet. In the blue light of his seraphblade, the red eyes of the beast looked almost purple. It followed his movements. The leathery flesh reflected in the moonlight falling through the branches.  

Alec took another step back. He glanced to his left, making contact with the two glowing eyes in the dark. He smirked. His foot landed securely on a twig, the heal snapping it in half with a loud pop. 

Immediately the beast lunged forward. 

Just like he wanted it.

Alec dodged quickly. Rolling aside in a somersault. If it wasn't for speed and agility runes he would've been scorched by the raging fireball blazing past him. 

A rouge tree root sticking out of the ground dug into his back and threw his balance slightly off. He ended up rolling a little too far to the right, and nearly tumbled into a tree, instead of the bush he'd been aiming for. 

Behind him, an ungodly screech sounded, and he jumped to his feet, just quick enough to see the demon sink into a pile of ashes, like a dandelion blowing away in the wind. Next to the pile, Magnus brushed his palms together. 

"fuck yeah!" He cheered, as Jace, and Clary popped out of the bushes behind them. 

"holy shit, you actually did it," Clary said. A twig had tangled in her ponytail and strung the strands up like red cobwebs. Jace removed it. 

"I know!" Magnus smiled as went over to Alec, "usually goroth demons are a hell to get rid of," his eyes twinkled when he looked at Alec, "but we form a good team." 

"yeah," Alec replied. His eyes darted over his boyfriends beaming face, half checking for injuries and half admiring, "we do." 

Jace rolled his eyes, "please don't fuck in a forest." 

Alec turned away from his boyfriend to glare, "we'll fuck where ever we want please and thank you." 

Jace cringed, "I lived with you for like a month, I am very much aware." 

Clary nearly choked on her own spit. 

"thank you for clearing that up, Alexander," Magnus said. Amusement lifted his voice. His fingers danced lightly over Alecs. 

Jace sighed.

They'd gotten a call from a local pack of wolves, reporting a large demon harassing the woods of downstate New York. The three shadowhunters had portalled there immediately by the help of Magnus. They'd been fighting it for about an hour, when Clary finally came up with the idea of tricking the demon with mischief rather than combat. 

it'd went well.

Clarys phone buzzed, and she pulled it out with a huff. Her eyebrows lifted in delight when she read the text, "well, Simon just had pizzas delivered for us," she glanced back up at the group, "what do you say we call it a day for the demon-hunting and head home?" 

"sounds great," Jace mused, "Magnus?" 

"hm, don't mind if I do," the warlock stepped out of the way. He swirled his hands in the air, forming hypnotic patterns with his fingers. The air flimmered, like heat radiating off a warm roof in the summer. The portal was just about to form, when a rolling growl sounded from within the forest. 

"Magnus!"

Before Alec knew it, the demon charged at them. Jace pulled Clary out of the way, and they both tumbled to the ground. 

But it hit Magnus with full force. 

He rammed against a tree, and Alec heard something cracking. He hoped it was a branch. The demon roared and jumped at Magnus. Before Alec knew it, he'd pulled his bow out. The arrow clattered against the shelf more than regularly, yet he drew back and fired quicker than ever. The arrow slammed into the leathery neck of the demon. The adamas tip pierced the thick skin in an instant. The demon howled. It tossed Its head from side to side, trying to wiggle the arrow out, but this only caused the tip to go deeper. It finally let out a shriveling shriek, before it disintigrated into a pile of dust. 

Alec gasped and ran to his boyfriend. 

Magnus was covered in yellow dust. His breath came out in short wheezes. Thick, sticky splotches were slowly spreading across his shirt, like horrifying flowers in bloom. Alec brought a hand to his cheek and brushed a drop of monster-drool away. 

"I don't think...that guy...like our...manoeuvre..." Magnus wheezed. The corners of his lips shook as he tried to smile at Alec. 

"shut up," Alec muttered. His voice was shaking. His hands were shaking. It felt like his whole world was shaking. 

"Magnus!" Clary had dropped down next to Alec without him noticing.

"did it bite him?" Jace asked next to her. 

"I-I don't know...are goroth demons even poisonous?" 

"venomous..." Magnus slurred. 

Alec turned back to the warlock. His normally dark skin had already palled several tones, and he was sweating at an alarming rate.

"poisonous....is when you...when you eat someth...thing..." He blinked violently in an attempt to stay awake, "venomous is...is...."

"shhh," Alec brushed his hair aside, "just...I know...I know, just keep breathing."

Magnus lifted his hand in a weak salute, "ai ai....captain...." His hand flopped down on the ground when he passed out. 

 Alec swallowed the heavy knot in his throat and took a deep breath. He could do this. He had to remain calm. For Magnus. 

"...Clary," he tried to remain calm, "...I need your jacket."

"w-what? Why?" 

"because I'm wearing leather!" 

Clary flinched, "oh," she shook her linen jacket off her stiff shoulders. 

Alec pressed the fabric against Magnus' chest. It got soaked almost immediately. He repressed a whimper.

"Jace help me get his shirt off."

The blonde dropped down next to him, with a mutter Alec chose to ignore. The knife gleamed in when he pulled it out of his belt, and he began cutting Magnus' shirt open. Alec flinched. Magnus had really liked that shirt.

But all the blood had ruined it anyway.

So maybe it didn't matter. 

Jace had just started cutting when he stopped. His brow furrowed, "hey Alec?" 

Alec was almost afraid to move closer, "....i-is something wrong?" 

"eh no," Jace pulled back slightly, "not exactly, aside from the scratch-marks but...what are these scars all about?" 

"what?" He pushed Jace softly aside to see what he was talking about.

They crawled underneath his pecs like pale snakes. One of them a little longer than the other. Alec had never really noticed them before. Maybe because Magnus had never been as pale as now. But here in the moonlight they gleamed like silver ribbons, defined and precise. 

"eh," Alec knew where they came from. He'd seen the picture. The  _pictures_. But he'd also read the post about casual outing. But was Jace safe? Would Magnus be uncomfortable with him knowing? 

"I don't know," he muttered, "please, can we just focus on not letting my boyfriend die?" 

Jace cleared his throat, "of course," he cut the rest of the shirt open. 

And Alec almost fainted. 

Magnus abdomen and side was ripped open. A large gashed stretched in a crooked line all the way from the right side of his stomach up to beneath his ribcage. The edges were frayed and bed backwards like lips. Some of it was black. Several small scratches criss-crossed over and in between like clumsy stitches. 

"oh my god," Clary muttered. Her hair looked like blood. Normal healthy blood. Not Magnus' blood. 

Wordlessly Alec began tearing the dry part of her jacket into strips. He stringed them together into bandages, and began wrapping Magnus up as best as he could. More black blood trickled out between his fingers. It looked like crude oil. 

But there was too much.

"Clary I-I need you to make a portal...make a portal back to the institute." 

"Alec," Jace put a hand on his shoulder, "Clarys navigation is still off she almost di-" 

"MAGNUS WILL ACTUALLY DIE IF SHE DOESN'T MAKE A PORTAL RIGHT NOW!" 

Jace flinched backwards, "yes, yeah, of course," he turned to his girlfriend, "Clary?" 

"on it," she muttered. The tip of her stele glowed between her fingers, like a tiny star. 

I gust of warm wind hit him, when the hole in space was formed. Dry and slightly spicy, like dessert air. Alec carefully lifted Magnus off the ground. His fingers were sticky with blood, and they clung to Magnus' jeans and jacket. He stepped closer to the portal. 

The arms of the portal swirled like a red, vertical tornado. He squeezed Magnus a little closer. And then he stepped through the portal.


	2. Chapter 2

Alec foot thumped against the floor.

The sound of his heel hitting the ground numbed his brain. Filled the empty air. Above him cheap florescence lights hummed softly. A nice background bass for his foot-thumping

He sighed and leaned back. The chair creaked. He hadn't heard anything from anyone in two hours. It was like the doctors had suddenly gone mute. 

He picked at the edge of his seat.

His thighs were going numb. 

Maybe a quick walk outside? Just to stretch his legs? Hm. But what if the doctors came back? What if Magnus woke up? He had to be there when he woke up. 

The infirmary was getting to his brain.

He stared at the empty chairs across from him. In the beginning, Jace and Clary had been sitting with him. But after half an hour of complete silence from the doctors, they'd both gone to shower and change out of their bloodstained clothes. 

They hadn't returned. 

He bolted up right when the door opened and a healer stepped out. It was a middle aged shadowhunter with silver streaks in his hair, that looked like cracks in a wall. Black runes crept out the collar of his medical coat like distorted fingers. Alec rose from his seat.

"what's going on? Where is everybody? Why has no one answered my questions the past two hours?!" 

The man sighed, "mister Lightwood if you would kindly calm down." 

"tell me what's going on." 

"everything is under control," the mans voice was deep and gnarled like bark, "as for the lack of personnel, it is 4 o'clock in the morning, doctors need sleep. So do you for that matter." 

"but what-" 

"mister Bane is fine," the doctor sighed, "luckily the demon didn't hit anything vital, but it managed to fracture his lower spine. We restored what we could, but we trust that mister Bane will be able to heal himself, once he regains his magic. As for the venom, the best we can do is give him pain medication and let his immune system fight it for itself." 

"can I see him?" 

"mister Lightwood I'd advice you t-" 

"please," Alec took a deep breath, "I'll go to bed after, I promise, I just...I have to see him." 

the doctor looked Alec over for a second, almost as if he was a toaster that'd suddenly begun to talk. Then his shoulders sacked, "I suppose five minutes wouldn't hurt." 

"thank you," Alec breathed as he brushed past the doctor into the room. 

In the middle of the room stood a white bed with grey metal bars for sides and cheap cotton sheets pilled on top of each other. Magnus was lying in the middle of it all, like an angel hiding in the clouds. Alecs heart beat stronger by the sight of him.

"Alexander?" Magnus sounded so small. But thankfully not near-death small. Not anymore.

"Magnus," Alec almost lost his breath halfway through the word, and hurried to his boyfriend, "hey, hey are you okay? Do you need something? Some water?" 

"I'm fine," Magnus waved his hand in the air. The tubes and plugs sticking out of it made him a little more clumsy than usual. Alec caught the hand in the air. It was significantly less paler than before. He braided their fingers together. 

"are you sure?" 

"yes," Magnus snickered, "jesus, you're like my mother." 

"I'm your boyfriend," Alec kissed the back of Magnus' hand, "I'm the closest thing to a mother you've got." 

Magnus laughed softly, "I suppose you're right." His cheeks had color, yet his eyes were droopy. Alec could hear a soft wheeze when he breathed. 

"there's still venom in your system." 

"yeah, but I'm on medication," Magnus lifted his hand up, so the tubes clattered, "it's odd, pain killers. I can't feel anything. My body could be killing itself from the inside right now, and I would have no idea."

Alec flinched, "don't...don't say that." 

Magnus' face dropped, "yeah, you're right, now I've freaked myself out." 

Alec gave Magnus' hand a squeeze. Magnus squeezed back, "any side effects from the meds?" 

Magnus shrugged weakly, "not really, I'm just very tired," he sighed and nuzzled further into the sheets. Alec took a moment to look him over. The sheets had moved when Magnus shifted and exposed more of his chest. Three large gashes stretched across his stomach. All were nicely closed up with green stitches. The skin around it was oddly yellow. Probably some disinfection stuff, Alec wasn't sure. The wounds were already beginning to close up, as more of Magnus' magic returned, but he'd probably end up having some scars. 

Scars. 

Alec perked up when he suddenly remembered. His eyes flew to Magnus' upper chest and the two silver bands. 

Oh yeah. 

With Magnus' skin slowly returning to it's normal color, they were a lot harder to spot, but if you knew were to look, and looked hard enough, they were there. 

"hey Magnus?"

"hm?" Magnus blinked himself back to conciousness.

"uhh, when you got hurt," Alec shifted in his chair, "we kinda had to take your shirt off." 

Magnus tilted his head, "and?" 

"and, well, Jace saw your scars." 

Magnus froze.

"I didn't tell him anything! I just...I thought you should know." 

"wh-what did you say...exactly..." Magnus shifted. The sheets russled. 

Alec sighed, "I said, I didn't know what they were, and that he should focus on helping you." 

"o-okay," Alec could see the way Magnus' adamsapple bopped. How the outer cornes of his eyes seemed tense. The way he softly grinded his teeth. 

"hey, tell me what you feel," Alec reached out to take his hand, "it's okay if you don't want them to know, we can just make something up." 

Magnus sucked a breath in and closed his eyes, "no...no it's okay, it's okay if they know," he paused, "I want to tell them in person though." 

"okay," Alec nodded. He stroaked Magnus' palm, "we'll tell them when you're ready." 

Magnus finally looked at him.

"okay." 

-

Alecs footsteps echoed against the marble floors of the library. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The comforting scent of old dust and ink filled his nose. The light fell through the gigantic dome ceiling and the stained glass shattered the light beams into abstract shapes. Green, blue and yellow triangles rained down on the circular bookshelfs and formed patterns on the floor. alec ran the tip of his shoe through a pastel green lightbeam and smiled.

He'd always liked the library.

Not so much because of the books, but more because of the overall atmosphere. It was like the room existed in an entirely different universe. A peaceful one.

"wow," he turned around. Magnus was standing behind him, eyes sparkling in the colored light. A crutch was propped up underneath his right arm. Magnus had recovered from the venom atfter three days in the hospital. Though he still had trouble walking. He'd refused to use the weelchair, and had opted for supporting himself on crutches. Really he should be using both crutches, but _"_ _it's_ _only_ _my_ _right side_ _that_ _hurts_ _Alexander,_ _why_ _should_ _I_ _use_ _both_ _the_ _left_ _and the right_ _crutch_ _?"_

"it's been a while since I visited the library of the New York Institute. I must say, this place doesn't dissappoint," Magnus said. 

"I know," Alec took his hand, the one that wasn't busy cluthcing the crutch, and masaged his knuckles, "I used to come here a lot as a kid to relax and clear my mind," he tilted his head, "I really should come here more often." 

Magnus took a deep breath, "yeah."

Alec furrowed his brow. Magnus' neck was stiff. He could see how Magnus tried to hide it. With nonchalant speaches and glittery gazes, but Magnus was nervous. Alec squeezed his hand. 

"hey," he caught Magnus' eyes, "it's okay if you've changed your mind. We can always just catch them later."  

"no, it's fine," Magnus looked down at their conjoined fingers, "it's just...I'm allowed to be nervous." 

"yes," Alec breathed, "of course you are, I know that, but you should also know that I'm with you, the whole time, I'll be right by your side the entire time." 

Magnus smiled, "I know."

Then they began walking. 

As they got closer to one of the bookshelfs, voices began to form. 

"Jace you're giving this way too much thought."

"yeah, but how many holes?" 

"the question doesn't even make sense in the first place!"  

They rounded the corner, revealing Jace, Izzy and Clary slung back in chairs. Izzy was lazily flipping through a book about Danish folk tales, clearly not as engaged in the conversation as Jace and Clary. 

"Alec! Oh thank god," Jace jumped up from his chair, "listen, bro, I need your help. How many holes are their in a straw?" 

"what?" 

"see! Just like I said, it makes no sense!" Izzy sighed from her chair. 

"uh," Alec furrowed his brown, "I don't know...two?" 

"I agree, there's two," Clary said, she was wearing an oversized shirt, that Alec recognized as Izzys. 

"I'm pretty sure theres only one," Jace said. His hair was messy, like he'd been running his hands through it, which he probably had.

"none," Magnus suddenly declared.

"what?!" Izzy plopped the book down on her lap in annoyance, "how can their be none?"

"it's a tube," Magnus crossed his arms, "not a hole." 

"okay that makes no sense!" Jace exclaimed. 

"your question makes no sense!" Izzy groaned again. She looked close to throwing her book. 

"guys," Alec cleared his throat, "we actually have something important to tell you." 

"oh my god, you're getting married!" Izzys guessed with sparkling eyes,

"what? N-no!" Alec waved his hands, "it's not-"

"are you pregnant?" Jace asked.

"wha...how would that even-" 

"Jace you fucktruck," Clary kicked Jace, "Alec is obviously a top." 

"wh-"

"actually," Magnus raised his hand, "he mostly bottoms."

Izzy slammed book shut, "really?!"

Alecs face burned, "Magnus! We..." He took a deep breath, "actually, it's more Magnus than me, who has something to say." 

Magnus' face fell, "way to put me in the spotlight," he muttered. 

The three other shadowhunters immediately stilled. Izzy flopped her book on the ground, where it rested like a lonely iceberg in a grey sea. 

Magnus took a deep breath, "I...about the mission..."

Izzy furrowed her brow, "what happened on the mission? Did I miss out on anything?"

"no, Isabelle..." Magnus sighed, then he tilted his head, "well, I mean, I suppose you did, but it's okay, you should know this as well," he fidled with his rings, "when I got hurt, and you took my shirt off, you, or specifically Jace, noted something," his adams apple bopped, "my scars." 

Out of the corned of his eye, Alec saw Jace lean forward slightly. His brother clasped his hands together between his spread legs, as if he was planting a sword in the ground.

"I want you to know where they come from," Magnus paused, and Alec gave his hand a tight squeeze, letting him know he was there. Magnus took another deep breath, before continuing, "I am trans. I was born as a female, but I later on transitioned into a male. That is where my scars come from."

There.

It was said.

"oh," Izzy stilled, "oh Magnus, that's so...I'm so sorry." 

Magnus cringed, "I'm still me."

"no it wasn't-" Izzy cut herself off and rose from her seat, "it's okay, this doesn't change anything, at least not for me."

"thank you," Magnus' voice shivered. 

"I already figured," Clary shrugged.

"what?"

She blushed, "eh, there was a guy...at my old high school, he had scars just like yours." 

"oh," Magnus was quite for a bit, "okay then." 

"and I'm totally okay with it!" Clary quickly added, she twirled a strand of her red hair. It looked like a fireworm wrapping around her finger.

"can I...can I give you a hug?" Izzy hesitantly stepped forward. Her eyes shimmered a little more than usual.

Magnus sucked in a breath, "yeah," then Izzy tackled him.

Alecs heart warmed at the sight. His sister was clutching Magnus with such determination she was almost glowing. Magnus was almost drowing in her dark locks, but he managed to catch Alecs eyes over Izzys shoulder. They glimmered with held back tears. The corners crinkled at Alec. 

Soon Clary joined Izzy, clasping her arms around the two like a red koala. Some of her hair intertwined with Izzys. It looked like lava spilling out between scouched rocks. 

"you're still our friend Magnus," Clary muttered. 

"thank you," Magnus repeated under his breath, "thank you so much." 

"so," Alecs attention was brought back to his brother. The blonde had also risen from his chair, and was now scratching his chin while starring at the floor, "if anyones pregnant here, it's Magnus?" 

"oh my fucking god Jace!" Izzy threw a book at Jace.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how many holes r there in a straw actualy what y'all think?

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!!!!PSA!!!!!!!!  
>  so my both of my tumblr blogs got deleted, my main blog (@polar-robin) as well as my side blog where i posted my fan fictions (@fictionalrobin)
> 
> IF YOU KNEW ME ON ANY OF THOSE URLS THIS IS ME
> 
> i have yet to set up a new writing blog, so if you want to read my fics, you can just follow me @robinowich (it’s a lot of work to set up a blog and I’m already exhausted from setting up my main one)
> 
> no i don’t know what happened, to me it seemed random, however I had just edited my settings for the new privacy policy thing (WHICH IS IMPORTANT CUSS I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF ANYONE HAS EXPERIENCED A SIMULAR PROBLEM)
> 
> anyways, I lost 350 followers on one blog and close to 100 on the other, as well as three years of gain, and I had to set up a whole new email address, because tumblr still registered me as a user even though my blog had been deleted, and it just said “your blog has been terminated” when i tried to log in :’)


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